The television gods have finally answered my prayers

I know I’m not the only person that feels like I’ve actually become less intelligent from watching shit reality television on Bravo and MTV. There was a time when shows like Sex and the City would come on every Sunday and we’d all patiently wait to see what socially relevant topics the writers would decide to tackle….

Who the hell am I kidding? All we wanted to find out was who Samantha was going to bang next, whether Carrie would wind up with Big or Aidan, if Charlotte would ever get her happy ending, and Miranda…well I was never really all that interested in Miranda to be honest.

Just when you thought you couldn’t stomach another mindless episode of Jersey Shore or The Real Housewives of Goldiggersville, you can now set your DVRs to record Boardwalk Empire on HBO every Sunday at 9pm. And just why should you take up valuable space on your DVR’s memory for a new series you’ve never heard of? Because it’s kickass and I’m officially obsessed with the costume design, that’s why.

The summary goes something like this:

The series takes place in Atlantic City, NJ, during the beginning of Prohibition (that’s the 1920s for all the historically challenged people out there). The focal point of the show is about organized crime in AC, NYC and Chicago. The AC gangsters are mostly crooked politicians like the main character, “Nucky” Thompson. Nucky is played by Steve Buscemi, which is reason enough to give the show a shot. There are also appearances by infamous mobsters like Al Capone and Lucky Luciano. In case you didn’t know, I’m Italian and I was raised by two crazy mofos from Brooklyn, NY. The stories my parents could tell you are pretty ridiculous, which is a big reason why they moved out to the horse farms of NJ when I was born. Anyway, I like that the show accurately portrays the early years of the most notorious gangsters in history. I find that to be an ingenious move by Mr. Scorsese.

The show is about four episodes deep as of this week. I’m not too thrilled with Nucky’s annoying girlfriend, so I’m hoping the recently widowed Margaret makes a move on him sometime in the next few episodes. There’s something about her coy disposition and Irish accent that could definitely be sexy if she knew how to work it. If only she had access to Should I be Wearing This…

I’m also waiting to see what happens with Al Capone’s crew out in Chicago and Lucky Luciano’s strange new love affair with Jimmy’s mother (who by the way was def NOT casted properly, she looks like she’s 30). Oh, and it’s also directed by Martin Scorsese in case you missed that reference earlier.

Watch it and let me know what you think.

Who knew the host of Singled Out could parlay herself into a bestselling author?

I happened to catch a segment on Oprah the other day about Jenny McCarthy (I clearly have a lot of free time on my hands these days). I used to associate her with being the D-list girlfriend of Jim Carey, Playboy, and that moronic MTV dating show some of us used to watch back in the 90s. After watching her interview with Oprah, I’ll be the first to admit the bitch is straight up funny as hell. She’s def one of the more “real” celebrities that I’ve seen in a long time and she looks pretty damn good for her age (37?). The segment was clearly a plug for her new book, but that’s cool.

The next day I actually drove to Barnes & Noble to pick up the book because she had me LOLing while telling this crazy story about her first Playboy shoot circa 1993. Let’s just say she gets into the most hilarious details about how she never shaved her box before and how the photographers and makeup artists were  looking for ways to cover “it” up (she says it caused a few lighting issues bahaha). I kid you not people. I read the damn thing cover to cover in about three hours and let me just tell you, it’s worth the $15 – $20. If you’re looking for a quick, fun read I highly recommend it. The Playboy story is reason enough, but she also throws in some other hilarious tidbits about her vibrators, horrible dating stories (she actually admits to briefly dating a guy that lived in a basement and slept on a cement bed…what a winner), and what NOT to do during sex.

Since she’s hella old compared to me, I gracefully accept her words of wisdom. My favorite part of the book is when she talks about different ides she has to spice up the bedroom. You come to find out that she’s a chocoholic and she even suggests taking it into the bedroom. I’m not talking about chocolate syrup boys and girls…I’m talking chocolate-covered strawberries mid-coital. Yes, you can now EAT and get off at the same time (I bet this is especially good news to the 83% of women out there who are unable to reach an orgasm during sex)! I always  wondered what it would be like to stop for a snack break…yeah gurrrrl!

I’m not saying it’s the next great novel of our generation, but it def entertained me for a few hours one evening.

You be the judge, click here to read a few free excerpts.

The Idiot’s Guide to Gel Eyeliner

I’ve been wearing plain ol’ black pencil eyeliner since I was about 11 or 12. I can still vividly remember Rania and I smudging eyeliner on like there was no tomorrow, conveniently forgetting the importance of balancing the look with a soft blush, eye shadow or neutral lips (you live and you learn). Come to think of it, my makeup routine basically stayed the same until college. Yet, my trusty black pencil eyeliner was always in the picture – TIL NOW.

I should also mention that I’m a little handicapped in the makeup department. Don’t get me wrong, I love Love LOVE anything to do with cosmetics. Shit, once upon a time I worked in PR and my sole job was to test and write about my favorite products so that people like you could run out to the store and buy them all. However, when it came to making the perfect smokey eye ( a la Kim Kardashian) I was a failure. That always pissed me off. I mean the fact that my skin is awesome enough not to have to cake foundation and powder all over the place just doesn’t make up for my inability to draw a cat-like line across my eyes.

Enter Maybelline Eye Studio Lasting Drama Gel Liner in Black. This ish is the bomb.org if you know what I’m sayin’. It comes in black (my obvious fave), charcoal, brown and plum. The handy little jar also comes with the perfect application brush that is guaranteed to aid makeup idiots around the globe.  I think this stuff has been out for a few months, so my apologies if this isn’t exactly news to you. I tried it for the first time over the weekend and let me just tell you it didn’t smudge and it even stayed on after washing my face! Not to worry, it came off quite easily with eye makeup remover. Well I guess my prayers have been answered…I can now prance down the street with 4″ heels and kickass smokey eyes. Yeah GURL!

PS – I forgot to mention the best part…this awesomeness in a jar is only $9.99 at your local drugstore!! And here’s a little fun fact for all you MAC snobs out there: the ingredients in most eye makeup (mascara, eyeliner, eye shadow, etc.) is relatively the same, regardless of the brand. Bottom line = save money on [certain] makeup, spend more on fab shoes and cocktails!

10/10/10 = The Day I Hit the Blog Lotto

The number 10 has a lot of interesting meanings.  In my mind, the number 10 is usually synonymous with my [distorted] idea of perfection. We’d all be lying if we said we never used a scale to rate the eligible men/women gallivanting around town. I even have a friend (who shall remain nameless since he probably wouldn’t be too happy about me throwing him under the bus in my first blog post) that has quite specifically described the scale he and his friends use to dissect hot girls…10 being the “untouchable” category that doesn’t really even exist. Men can be so cruel. However, in order to drum up some traffic to my new-found blog, I’ve asked said friend to send me a rough draft of the infamous scale for shits and giggles. If some slutty Duke student can muster up national publicity over her f*** list (based on ratings might I add), then why the hell can’t I get some sort of recognition for posting a useful guide to help women gain a better grasp on reality? Just sayin’….

I digress. The number 10 is now officially the most awesome day in my blogging career, which just so happened to start today! That said, I’m now kind of screwed because I’ll have nothing but perfection to live up to. I guess you people out there in cyber space can be the judge of that. Ok, enough rambling. Stay tuned for the man scale and my first posts on important shit like the awesome new gel eyeliner I discovered, LOL -inducing reading material and MUCH more. ‘Night bitches.